OSHA has released the following Halloween safety guidelines:

1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER

check to see if it's really dead.

2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has

gone out.

4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other

language which they should not know, shoot them immediately.

It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it

will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be

prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody

else's voice.

5. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go

it alone.

6. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to

Hell.

7. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This

would apply to any other house of the dead as well.

8. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise

and find out that it's just the cat, GET THE HELL OUT!

9. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short

circuits; just get out!

10. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.

11. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a

good reason for it. Don't stop and look around.

12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're

sure you know that you're doing.

13. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall

down at least twice. Also note that, despite the fact that you

are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's

still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

14. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit

uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for

blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill

them immediately.

15. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of

which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania,

Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), the

Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

Nilgob = goblin backwards? Echo

16. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do

not go to the nearby deserted looking house to phone for help.

If you think that it is strange because you thought you had

half of a tank, shoot your-self instead. You are going to die

anyway, and most likely be eaten.

17. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now

is the time to move in with the in-laws. This applies to houses

that had previous inhabitants who went mad or died in some

horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic

practices in your house.

18. When trying to escape from a serial killer, never run UPstairs.